to meet you:

to meet you:

 

The distances you have asked me to cross
Are so great – I don’t know if I can cross them

 

It seems to me
I am always the one crossing to meet you

 

It seems to you
You are always the one crossing to meet me

 

We have these dialogues of a million
Whatsapps.

 

You ask me:
Where are you?
You are not home.
Why are you afraid to turn up?
To turn up for what, I ask back.

 

To turn up for ?
To turn up to an absent place?
To turn up to be present
in the now?
Just like that?
But the now that you ask me
to turn up to is already a deadend
It isn’t connected to a reality
I already live in

 

The dreams which I know is already unfolding

 

I cannot
Turn up to be in a reality
That is already absent of truth.

 

I cannot turn up
For you.
Because you are also not home.
Not here.
Not for us.
Not for me.
Not for you.

 

You are already gone
And I am already still here, alone.
You want me to turn up
Only to face an absent promise.

 

So why would I turn up to an empty home?

 

We are both saying
the same thing.
Truly.

 

I ask you:
Where are you?
You wander all the time
Yet it is never enough for you.
Why are you the voice of reality
asking the wanderer to come home?

 

And what of you?
Where are you?
You wander too
Yet you want me to do it all
To hold it all
To be the one
That stands alone

 

What if I am not the one
But that you are
That you are the one called
As much as I am.
Have you considered that?
You haven’t completed your dreams.
Too.

 

So, why are you afraid to be at home
While I wander?
While I seek the clarifications
While I think the possibilities
While I find why it is that I refuse
To be the only one waiting
Holding out for nothing
While everyone is everywhere

 

Seeking their clarifications
Thinking their possibilities
Sometimes in sometimes out
Sometimes present sometimes absent
No one meeting
All encounters of bumping
Into one another
But not being
Truly
For one another
One-wholeheartedly

 

Who are we?
Why do we not meet?
Why do we touch each other
so briefly
and then we depart?

 

Bolt into the night
Blaze into the sun
But never staying
in each other’s
Full commitment.

 

There is an absent sky
Vast as compassion
I understand today why
compassion has to be so vast

 

It is because our hearts break as much as
our distances are great.

 

What are we really afraid of?
That’s what we have to truly ask ourselves.

 

Why are we so afraid to truly meet
and let our hearts be known for what it is
That we love, simply, only, truly,
Love each other

 

And that for once dare to say
“I am home for you.”
And hear that spoken back
By another voice
Not mine alone.

 

You are a thousand miles away
A thousand years
A thousand lifetimes

 

And I am waiting
Waiting for you to come home

 

And you ask,
“What is that longing?”
I reply,
“It is a longing of a great distances.”
A thousand million suns
A thousand million moons
A thousand million lifetimes

 

It belies the longing of
A thousand million whys
That we don’t meet
That we still can’t meet

 

And I don’t know why.

 

Nothing I can say can
reach out to you anymore.
Nothing.
And nothing you can say
wants to reach out to me
anymore.

 

From nothing to nothing.
And nothing back to nothing.

 

We are connected really
by our emptinesses.
Our vacant hearts.

 

And unless we fill each other’s hearts,
With an open intimacy
of the courage of belonging
There will always be a longing

 

Of a meeting that could have been
But didn’t because we both couldn’t

 

Couldn’t bridge our singular incorruptible
differences.

 

Because we both didn’t dare
cross the distances.
Speak the distances.
Break the walls down.
Together.

 

Come together to break down
The walls that keep us apart.

 

 

Peng-Ean Khoo
co-Founder and Director
Human Engagement Studio

June 4, 2018

 

 

 

 

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